The Favour of Doom
by Crystal Mew
Summary: When Zim accidently infects his Tallest with a cold and mistakingly believes it's dangerous, he enlists the help of Dib to cure his leaders in exchange for the Earth and all humanity. Gaze upon it's ficcishness and smile! n.n
1. A Favour of Sorts

Crystal: n.n Just don't ask. Please. This was based off of a very strange dream that I had. Blame the dream! Hehe...anyway, this probably won't make any sense whatsoever, since I tried to keep very close to the dream itself, replacing myself (who was in the dream) with the large-headed Dib. Hehehe...I'm rather cruel, aren't I? Anywho, on with the utter insanity! Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, or any names or likenesses. All of that belongs to the wonderful Jhonen. However, I am in possesion of the first and third DVDs, and will be getting the second whenever my "local" video store decides to do the normal thing and get them all instead of random ones out of the collection. (cough) Um...I mean, soon. Soon I will have the second. 

Also, I apologize for the incredibly short chapter. This is the first time I've ever plotted out a story chapter by chapter, so I'm experimenting, basically. The next one will be longer, and hopefully up soon. n.n  
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Dib stared at the computer screen, the shining lenses of his glasses catching the light and reflecting it in a grotesque manner. Outside, the parading of his sister, Gaz, was only interrupted by her glowering hiss. "You're a freak, you know that?" he didn't have to question, he knew that biting comment was directed intirely at him. The spiky-haired preteen swivled around in his chair, sending her a glare. "Why are you still here? I'm busy!" 

"Doing what, looking for 'aliens'?" she said, putting particular emphisis on the last word. Honestly, her brother could be just so stupid! Dib opened his mouth, as if to sting her back, then quickly shut it again.

"Yes."

She guffawed obnoxiously, walking away from his doorframe. She shook her head from side to side, mocking her brother's intrests. Brother by blood only, definately.

Dib scoffed, turning back to his computer.

"Oh, just wait, Gaz. You'll see. They'll all see! I can prove that Zim's an alien. I know!" he raised a hand, reaching for the mouse to continue his quest for footage of the alien. He knew that it was somewhere buried in his computer's memory, but a recent chaotic adventure with Zim had forced him to forget.

Suddenly, the screen began to flicker. Dib watched on in horror as everything he had been working on (his report with the Eyeball Network) dissolved into the darkness of the screen. Lighting quickly back up again, the staticy face of his arch-enemy appeared upon the screen.

"Zim!" he cried, jerking away.

The alien stared at him, as if not understanding. He paused a breif moment, before continuing. "Yes, It is I, ZIM!"

"What do you want, alien?" the pre-teen hissed, growling behind clenched teeth. In the background of the transmission, GIR's voice could be heard screaming about waffles.

"This time, fool human, I am not concocting another evil plan. And If I was, do you really think I would be telling you about it! Do you!"

"Well-"

"Do you!"

"Zim?"

"Eh?"

Dib took a pregnant pause, blinking. "I didn't ask about that."

"Oh. Well, the reason I have even bothered to contact you, filthy Dib-human, is, I...I have a request." Dib raised his eyebrow, anticipating the coming declaration.

"No, Zim, I'll never stop trying to prove you're an alien!"

"FOOLISH DIB-MONKEY! That was not the reason I --

(Waffles!)

GIR, be quiet! That was not --

(I like waffles.)

GIR! I --

(WAFFLES!)

GIR! GO AWAY! That was not the reason I called, Dib-creature. I need to enlist the help of that gigantic head of yours."

Dib snarled angrily, "My head is not big!"

"Yes, yes, that's all well and good," Zim continued, apparently not listening in the least, "I need not of your services personally, Dib-monkey, but rather, I need --

(WAFFLES ARE DEEEELISH!)

GIR! Go watch T.V. or something!

(Ohh...okeedokie!)

Anyway, I need you to listen closely. The very life of my Tallests rides in the balence!"

"That's 'hangs' in the balence, Zim. W-wait! Are you asking me to help your leaders!"

"Yess..." mused the alien creature thoughtfully.

Dib stood up at the computer desk, snarling angrily. His palms whacked the top of the desk with a loud "thump!" "Then the answer is no! Why would I even want to help them! Why did you even bother calling!"

"Because, Dib-creature, you are the only human I know well enough to trust with a mission like this."

"There is soo much wrong with that," the spiky haired boy growled, cocking his head. "The answer is still no." On the screen, Zim lowered his head, tapping away on his Irken keyboard. A strange-looking diagram appeared upon Dib's moniter.

Zim sighed heavily before continuing. "Ah, I can see that I am going to have to explain this bit by bit so that your thick human skull can comprehend it. This," he gestured a clawed hand at the back of the transparent diagram, pointing to what appeared to be a photo of himself. "is me. These," he directed his finger to a picture of the two Tallests. "are my two leaders. They are much higher in power than I. They make the rules. They especially like suck-ups."

Dib nodded, now more out of curiosity than interest, "Go on."

"Hear me out. If you enter as a...a kind of ambassador to the Earth, and suck-up to them, they may cancel the plans for this pathetic planet's destruction! And I know that's what you've been questing after."

"Yes...okay, Zim. Assuming, for whatever reason I actually decide to do this...thing, whatever it is, what's in it for you?"

Zim chucked to himself, gesturing once again to the diagram. A hand-drawn picture of himself upon a strange planet was selected. "You still don't get it, do you Earth-boy? If you get in good grounds with them, you save your Earth and I get more recognition for selecting you. Then I can get a better mission, away from this stinking rock!"

Dib paused for a moment, considering. "Are you really going to leave the Earth alone?"

Zim chortled, brushing his antenna out of his eyes. "That all depends on your performance. You assist my Tallest, and you get what you want. You mention my name in the process and I get what I want. Everything works out for each of us."

Dib inhaled deeply, mentally preparing himself. If he took up this...whatever it is, task that Zim had aquired for him, then yes, he would be assisting his mortal enemies in their galactic conquest. Then again, he would become a hero, at least in his own right, for finally saving the Earth and all it's inhabitants. He'd finally succeed. He had to do...it.

"Alright, Zim. But before I agree, I want proof that you will not attempt to take over the Earth while I'm preoccupied."

Zim tapped a clawed finger to his chin, grinning knowingly. "Of course not, Earthling. I certainly don't plan on leaving you alone up there with my leaders."

"Alone? Up there? Zim, what're you-"

"Prepare yourself, human! Tomorrow, we board...The Massive's main vessel!"

"What! I didn't agree to --"

"Get prepared in my absence, Dib-monkey. I shall prepare for us both a plausible excuse from the dreaded Skool, so as not to arouse suspisions."

"Zim!"

"Yes?"

Dib breathed, exhaling sharply through his teeth. "Look. Just listen for a second. I didn't agree to that! I'm not leaving Earth! And just what is this thing that I'm supposed to do for your Tallest?"

Zim scoffed, streatching upright in his chair. "You'll have to leave, Earth-monkey. You see, you are the only one I could trust with this mission. You have a wide range of knowledge, yes?"

"Yes," he replied with an undertone of boastfulness. At least Zim was finally awknowleging that.

"And you know some, at least, about human illnesses?"

"Yes, but --"

"Then it's agreed! Tomorrow, you help me in our new conquest! As much as it sickens me, you shall be boarded with me upon the main ship, to help me cure the illness of my Tallest."

Dib did a double-take, blinking in confusion. "That's it? That's your big, secret mission? To have me nurse your little leaders back to health?"

"Does the term "tallest" mean nothing to you, Earth-monkey? They are not little! But yes, that was the plan. I know nothing of these strange human illnesses..." Zim pointed behind him at another massive computer, "and there is nothing in the database. I need someone with experience. That's where you come in. Remember, Dib-creature. You'd be saving your race. Isn't that what you want?"

Dib groaned, cradling his head in his hands. Yes. Yes, it was what he wanted. It was everything that he wanted. But...curing his arch-enemy's military leaders of some human illness? It was so...wrong and degrading. Yet, he would be saving the human race in the process. Rasing his head, he sent the flickering moniter a stern glare.

"You have a deal."

"Excellent! We leave before dawn!" the screen shut off, leaving Dib's computer moniter empty and black. He jumped up from his computer's chair, snatching his backpack and dumping out the unwanted contents. He had to get prepared for the trip tomorrow. It may be the only time he would ever get real, solid, undenyable proof that aliens exist.

After about half an hour of searching through his various drawers and cupboards, the pre-teen felt rather pleased with himself with his wide array of cameras. Along with, of course, some other supplies like thermomiters and the like. Dib sighed, laying back upon his bed and shutting his topaz eyes. Tomorrow would come soon.

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"And yes, my Tallest, I have someone on the way. They will be able to cure you of this."

"Zim -- (achoo!) -- we REALLY don't need, or want your help. Please, just -- (cough) -- leave us alone!"

"My Tallest, I could not leave you to suffer. I shall be aboard the Armada before the sun rises on this filthy planet. You will be in safe, capable hands soon."

"They must not be yours, then."

"Purple, shut up! Zim, please, just --"

"I won't hear another word about it, my leaders. I, Zim! ...shall cure you of this. With...some minor help from the Dib-human. I will be there soon! Please, my Tallest, just hang on!"

The screen erupted into a flurry of static, Zim cutting the connection between his base and the airborne Armada. The tiny green alien grinned over at his robot friend.

"I think that went rather well."

"Waffles!"  
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Crystal: (ahem) Um...yeah. I can't say too much about that. Remember, it's based very closely off of a weird dream I had the other night. Except for the stuff I threw in there to make it make sense. n.n;; Hehe. Feedback is very much approved of...(nod nod) Even negative feedback will be loved (as long as you don't attempt to set me on fire or something...). 


	2. Unwanted Guests

Crystal: Whoo! Got the second DVD! YEAH! I now have all the DVDs and the Boxset with the Extras DVD. Anyone else have it? Now I've seen all the episodes! Except for some audio tracks I have to listen to yet... 

Disclaimer: Don't own...RAWR, I envy Jhonen. I can only dream about IZ. Which is just what I do, actually (points at spiffy story). I may not own Invader Zim, but Jhonen apparently encourages (is that the word I want here?) fanfiction, so I wrote this. At least I know that he won't sue me. Besides, I don't own anything. I spent almost all I had on the Boxset.

AHH! IMPORTANT NOTE FOR AnAlmightyWoot: I am SO sorry I had to delete your review. (sobs and gives you cupcakes and milk) Please don't hate me, but I'm insanely particular when it comes to my fanfiction and uploading it, and there was a major spacing mistake that I thought not only made it confusing but that bothered me to no end. So...please forgive me! (sobs) Ahem. I am normal.

Another note... My goodness, a lot of notes, ne? Anyway, I know that this is a tad out of season. Try...about 6 months out of season. But you see, I missed winter. (grins insanely) Don't worry, this is normal! I swear! (dances) I like winter and fall and cool seasons like that, you see. I'm strange like that. And besides, people actually reviewed this (I love you all!), so I thought I'd finish the next part. Yay!

One more note of general strangeness... RAAAAGH! QUESTION MARK EATING MONSTER! HOW DARE IT REMOVE MY AWESOME QUESTION MARKS? Ahem...I apologize for the lack of question marks last chapter. If it sounded like it was supposed to be a question and not a statement, chances are it really was. I'm sorry. I forgot that uploading my fanfiction removes the question marks in ! when side-by-side. (jabs fanfiction (dot) net with a spork) Glare. Hopefully that will be fixed this chapter.

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The bedroom was dark and silent, even the soft sounds of crickets chirping outside had been soothed by the early night. Only the sound of Dib's shallow breathing echoed within the cluttered room. He was snoring contentedly, snuggled deep within the covers of his bed. Subcontiously, he shifted over in the direction of the window, enjoying the cool breeze seeping through the open space. Although summer was almost over and it was beginning to get colder outside, Dib was never one to prefer heat anyway. Yellowed leaves were already beginning to fall from the branches of the oak tree outside his bedroom, colouring the ground a hazy orange shade.

He pulled up the blankets closer to his neck, murmering something about capturing Bigfoot in his sleep. He winced; the wind was whipping stronger. It was bitterly cold. He almost thought he picked up a faint growling sound coming from outside, not unlike a motor of some sort, but his subcontious ignored it. He was safe within his dreams, right?

Suddenly, a searing, blinding light shot through the window, falling intentfully upon Dib's sleeping form. Dib awoke with a start, yelping and groaning. Instinctively, he yanked the top covers even closer to his neck, attempting to hide in fright. Startled, he fumbled for his glasses on the nightstand table. Shoving them up the crest of his nose, he blinked his topaz eyes as he got accustomed to the brightness of the rude awakening.

"Zim?" he exclaimed, now mostly awake. He traced the light back to a rather brightly coloured pinkish spaceship, hovering just outside his window that contained the little alien. The red glow of the panels and buttons highlighted the normally pale green flesh of the creature, making him seem more like a nightmare vision than the real thing. Dib shivered forcefully, taking a step backwards. The apocalyptic nightmare reared back and laughed from his glowing cage.

"Yes! It is I, ZIM! Now get in, Earthling. We leave now!" he demanded. His loud, shrill voice made Dib flinch visibly.

The preteen rubbed at his eyes, blinking, "I--is this a dream?"

"I assure you, it is not one of your pathetic dreams, humanoid. Now get in the Voot cruiser!"

Dib glanced over at his alarm clock anxiously, staring at the glowing green numbers. "But it's not even two in the morning!"

Zim sent him a biting glare from his hovering ship. His globule eyes quivered in annoyance. "You have had your sleep, Earth-monkey! Now get in here!"

Thinking quickly, Dib snatched up his backpack, tucking away a few other choice items (the food sitting on his desk, for example) that he thought he might need. Looking back at the closed spaceship, he studied the distance from his bedroom window. Very far. And, knowing Zim, he would probably make him jump. Which was not a very good idea, Dib in his sleep-clouded mind had concluded.

"How?"

The alien groaned, pounding his finger down upon one of the control buttons. The clear cover flipped open, and a pinkish-tinged platform began extending from the bottom of the Voot cruiser. "That's how. Now come on, or do you want us to be noticed?"

Dib growled under his breath, muttering something along the lines of "impatient aliens". He lept onto the platform, gasping slightly as he extended his arms to stay upright upon the thin plank. The ground beneath him suddenly looked much farther away than the simple two storeys. He grimised, subcontiously moving faster to avoid looking down again.

"It's about time, Earth-monkey," Zim hissed, retracting the platform and shutting the ship's cover. "What took you so long? Nevermind, the Armada is nearby. We will have to catch up with them in order to board." Dib nodded, finding his way to a smaller seat beside Zim's, apparently intended for GIR. However, the little robot was nowhere to be found. In fear of a random suprise attack, as GIR had the custom of doing (he had discovered that one night the hard way, when he snuck into the alien's base and the robot came out of nowhere to tackle him -- it wanted to have a tea party with him, apparently), Dib searched around the ship.

Zim noticed the confused look on the human's face. "What are you looking for, Earth-creature?" he demanded.

Dib frowned, finally just simply sitting down in the seat. The spaceship still hovered above the ground, staying in place. "Uh...where is your little robot thing?"

Zim huffed, "Oh, that. GIR has stayed behind to monitor the base -- I don't trust you, Dib-monkey. You could have easily sent someone to break in for you. So, being the AMAZING genius that I am, I had GIR stay home," he paused thoughtfully, "and besides...his monkey show was on." Dib sighed and got accustomed to the low-set seat. The tiny alien turned, looking at his nemisis. "I trust you brought supplies?" he wondered aloud.

"Of course," Dib scoffed, tapping at his backpack. Zim gave an awkward nod of acceptance, shifting the spaceship into it's proper gear. A thought seemed to cross his mind -- something that could only be bad for his human assistant. He looked over at Dib, a slow, supercilious smirk crawling upon his face. He exposed his rounded teeth in a vicious grin and, with more than a hint of boastfulness, continued,

"Tell me, Earth-monkey. Have you ever broken the sound barrier?"

Dib paused, blinking. "Um...no--" the human was cut off as the Voot cruiser took off with a mighty roar, leaping into action and zooming towards the sky. Zim laughed trumphantly (or was it insanely?), proudly displaying the so-called "superior" Irken technology. Dib simply screamed. Zim, obviously an "experienced" flyer, was proudly reveling in his moment of superiority. Well, just because the human was helping him didn't mean he had to be nice to him, after all.

The ship bounced and rolled on its way through Earth's atmosphere. Dib clutched at the sides of the awkward chair, trying desperately not to fall off and get flung around the ship. Zim tilted up the steering column and increased the jet boosters by pounding his fist down on one of the control buttons. The sound of Dib's screaming overtook the screeching of Zim's hystarical laughter.

Having enough of torturing the human, Zim adjusted the controls. The ship moved faster, but with less bouncing. The flying began to straighten out.

"There, Earth-smell. We're out of Earth's atmosphere." Zim glared over at his enemy, hints of the proud smirk still tainting his face. Dib made a gagging sound, sitting back upright in the chair.

"What did you do that for?" he exclaimed, fists clenched. Zim just chuckled to himself.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Dib decided to give up. Besides, they were actually out in space now, and it would be a good time to look at the sights. Zim was NOT going to ruin that moment for him. Of course, he knew he couldn't even secretly bring out his cameras -- Zim would get suspicious. So, he sighed, turning his attention to outside the transparent window.

The stars zoomed by outside, trailed by the occasional planet. Dib counted off the planets in his mind. Behind him lay Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars... The planets he knew of seemed to zip by as the tiny Irken ship gathered speed. Finally, Pluto disappeared from his view, and a multitude of stars began to swarm his vision. They glowed a sparkling but slightly hazy white to his inexperienced eyes. Carefully watching, he managed to pick out some red and yellow ones against the backdrop of darkness.

Zim was totally silent, focused intently on the scan readings given off by the Voot Cruser's sub-screen. He was searching for his Tallest's ship on his control panel, Dib suspected. "I have the lock on the Armada," the alien confirmed. Dib gave no verbal reply, simply nodding and resting his chin down upon his palm. Stars whisked by at alarming speed outside the window. Asteroids, hidden in among the stars rushed closer and closer.

Dib stared out the window, watching the passing space junk. He had been in space before, but never really had the time to enjoy it. Well, he supposed that now was not exactly a good time to enjoy himself either. He had to keep a close eye on Zim. For all he knew, he could have been luring him into a trap...

A trap? A TRAP? Could this be a trap? Dib mentally whacked himself for not giving enough concideration to that possiblity. Sure, it seemed to him that Zim had his proper (for him anyway) motives for asking for Dib's help, but for all he really knew, it could be just a well-thought out ploy to entrap him somewhere out in space. Of COURSE! Zim wasn't really taking him to his Tallest, he was taking him out somewhere to abandon him, without oxygen, food or an atmosphere! That had to be it! Then again...

If it was a trap, the overly paranoid Dib concluded that it would have been much too well-thought out for the little alien. Zim was never one to think things all the way though, after all. Yes, he had come up with some fairly good (self-proclaimed) evil plots before, but to come up with that much of a valid-seeming back-story... It just wasn't characteristic of Zim. So what Zim was telling him must have been true, and that he did need his help. But Zim was a fairly "good" liar... Dib wracked his brain, trying desperately to sort everything out in his head without arousing suspision on Zim's part. He hoped his face didn't reflect the sudden tension that he felt.

So, if it was a trap, it wasn't yet too late to commendeer the little ship, somehow subdue Zim and take the Cruiser back to Earth. He'd be saving himself that way. Then again, if he tried that stunt and it wasn't a trap, then he'd miss out on his chance to gather the proof he needed to convice everyone back on Earth that aliens (other than Zim) did exist, and would doom the Earth to suffer Zim's wrath. Or something like wrath. Knowing Zim it would probably be something like throwing rocks at streetlamps, but... On the other hand, if it was a trap and he went back to Earth, then he'd forever be able to gloat that he outsmarted Zim. But then --

"There it is!" cried the alien, pointing a gloved finger straight ahead. The human snapped abruptly out of his thoughts with a loud yelp. Well, there was no time for deep thoughts now. If it was a trap, he was out of time. He would just have to...(shudder) TRUST the alien. The very thought of it almost made his stomach turn.

Zim was chortling loudly from the seat beside him. The human followed the gesture of Zim's clawed finger out the window. Dib pressed his face close to the glass, awed. The Armada's main ship was really deserving of the title "Massive", whether it actually refered to the one ship or not (his files on Zim and his homeplanet needed updating.).

The rubyish, bright couloured spaceship loomed like a monster in front of them. Colossal, grandiose, voluminous -- not a single word in Dib's expancive vocabulary could describe the sight of it. Not even "massive", as it was apparently called.

"It's...huge," breathed Dib, blinking his topaz eyes.

"Yes. Yes it is." Zim nodded, grinning triumphantly. He thrust the Voot cruiser into a higher speed, zooming forward closer.

A chill ran up Dib's spine, but not from the sight of the ship. If Zim was really going to take him onboard this thing, then it must not have been a trap after all. However... That meant that he really would have to slave away to help "cure" Zim's rulers. Was that really any better? Working to help the leaders of an alien race get better so that they could continue conquering the universe was not exactly Dib's idea of a good time. But still, he might manage to get ahold of some photographs, some video footage -- ANYTHING to help out his case back on Earth.

The tiny little Voot Cruiser approached closer and closer. Dib held his breath, fighting the nervous lump that grew in his throat and settled in the pit of his stomach.

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Red rather literally drug himself into the Massive's main control room, groaning heavily as he slunk into the empty seat beside the other co-Tallest.

"Why do we have to wear these big suits, anyway?" Purple asked, voice muffled from the heavy mask covering his face. The rubber-like material squeaked as he moved his arm, accentuating his point. Red just gave another exhaused moan, shaking his head. The material made a scrunching sound.

One of the tiny service drones scuttled by the Tallest, pausing and looking up. They apparently didn't notice him, so he waved his stubby arms in the air franticly to get their attention. A pair of ruby eyes, accompanied by another set of deep violet found their way to the floor. "My Sirs, we cannot risk the threat of infection to the other Irkens aboard this vessel. We've -- uh, your servants -- have, uh, asked that you wear those suits to prevent the spread of the disease...but only until we can learn more about this strange illness you've, uh, contracted...my Tallest..."

"Well, you're not going to learn more by locking us up in these things," Purple muttered under his breath. Thoroughly annoyed with his co-ruler, Red whapped him over the head with a gloved hand. "Ow! ... Hey! What did you do that for?"

"No real reason," Red grinned, evoking an angry snarl from from the other Tallest.

The service drone backed away, preferring much to be out of the way, just in case Purple decided to retaliate. Indeed, he seemed about ready to yell at Red, stopped only from a faint beeping sound coming from the control panel. Both Tallests swiveled around in their chairs, facing the giganic screen in confused anticipation.

"It's another transmission, Sirs. From...wait, that can't be right..." one of the Irkens, stationed at the control panel mused.

"What? Wh--" Red was cut off by a slight cough. It hurt to raise his voice now... "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It...it appears to be coming from this ship -- or, someplace close-by, anyway."

"Well? Answer it!" the ruby-eyed Tallest snapped.

Purple emmitted a sudden gasp, an idea snapping to his head. "Wait, don't answer it yet! You don't think it could be--?"

"My Tallest!"

Both rulers jumped up out of their chairs in shock, suddenly thankful to have their ever-present hoverbelts that helped avoid a painful crash. "Zim?" they demanded in unision. The Irken on-screen just gave a cackle. From beside him, seemingly eager to get a glimpse of what was happening on the screen, some unknown creature pranced from one side of Zim to the other trying to get a look around his shoulder.

"Yes, it is I! ...and the huu-uuman here." Zim scoffed, sending an awkward glance over his shoulder. Dib took the angry look he recieved as an indication that he was now supposed to be silent in quiet admeration of Zim's leaders. As if.

"Hey! Hey! I wanna see, too! Let me in, Zim!" he struggled, trying to force his way onto the tiny screen in the Voot Cruiser.

Zim shoved him backwards, an annoyed look contorting his features. Dib was knocked off balence, tripping over his own boots. Zim smirked, knowing that it would keep the human out of his antenna(1) long enough to allow him to finish making the call.

"I have not failed in my promise, my Tallest! I have arrived to see to it that you are restored to perfect health!"

The two Tallest looked at each other, a mixture of horror and amazement playing on their faces. Zim -- _Zim_ had come all the way from...whatever planet he was sent to, along with one of the filthy creatures from that planet, and had flown all the way up to the Massive! Why had he even bothered to come? How did he manage to track the ship? They were so far away, they shouldn't have even been able to show up on the tiny Cruiser's radar! The Tallest were sure the incompitent little Irken never would've had the sense to be able to find them...

But there was no sense worrying about that now. Zim was now there. At the Massive.

"But -- but --" Purple stuttered, blinking. Red had a similar expression on his face, mouth open and gawking. It was like their worst nightmare (or, had they the ability to dream) come true.

Zim just gave a happy nod of his head, a suprisingly wicked grin crossing his face. "Yes, my Tallest, soon I'll be there. In fact, I'm at the teleporter bay right now. We will be aboard the Massive in but a few moments, so you won't need to worry anymore about that horrid illness you have!"

The screen cut off to static yet again, leaving the two Tallests simply standing there in shock.

Finally, shattering the silence, Purple cleared his throat. "So...um...now what?"

Red narrowed his eyes. A sudden thought made his face light up. He grinned, turning to the other Tallest. "Now...we play along."

"What? Are you crazy? I'm not letting that maniac anywhere near me!"

Red bopped him on the shoulder, shushing him -- after all, for all they knew Zim might have already reached the control room and just be listening outside the door. "No, listen. I have a plan. We let Zim and that little creature he brought along think that they're taking care of us and doing us a favour...right? Then we can trap them here. Lure them into a sense of false security, then launch them out somewhere in space with one of the smaller ships in the docking by. Lock the controls. You follow?"

Purple nodded his head.

"Good. So...all we have to do is play along with them. Of course, that means...putting up with Zim." Red forcibly shuddered. Purple just frowned.

"But he'll torture us, I just know it!" the violet Tallest whimpered, looking omnously over at the hollowed-out doorway. "Do we really have to wait that long? I mean, can't we just catch him and stuff him into one of the ships as soon as he come into the room?"

"Believe me, I'd like to..." Red mused. "But no. We have to play it this way -- that way, we can get rid of Zim once and for all! He'll never be the wiser! Think about it! No more transmissions, no more "suprise" packages(2) from him! Nothing! We'll finally be free of him!"

Purple seemed to consider this a moment, smiling dreamily. "He'll be gone..."

"Exactly. But we have to do it this way, okay? Besides...(cough) the "human", Zim called it, may be helpful for a bit...I'd like to get rid of this disease as soon as possible..." Purple nodded in agreement, resuming his anxious waiting and watching for the tiny Irken "invader". The door to the control room was still closed, but Zim would arrive soon.

- - -

"Ooh! Ooh! Scary Monkey!"

The robot gave a high-pitched giggle, rocking wildly on the floor by clutching the bottoms of his feet. His Master had long since left, and he knew exactly what that meant... he could watch the Scary Monkey Show all he wanted, with no one to yell at him! And he could make popcorn, too! Earth popcorn tasted yummy, after all. And all the TV people said that it was the best thing to eat when watching TV...(3)

GIR sat attentively, watching the flickering screen perhaps a little too closely. The glow of the television's light was starting to hurt his eyes...or at least, what he called eyes. Carefully watching the show, a sudden frown crossed the metallic face of the S.I.R. unit, and he cocked his head sideways. "Oh, wait...nooo...I've seen this one...NOOO! WHY?" GIR rolled over onto his stomach, sobbing and pounding the floor for no real apparent reason. But to him, it meant that there would be no new Scary Monkey for a whole Earth day! And that meant no popcorn, either! He couldn't eat popcorn and not watch TV!

Seconds later, everything forgotten, GIR calmly leapt to his feet and shut off the TV. There was no sense in seeing the same episode again for the twelfth time, right? Besides, he was taping it up in his room.

Now, there was really nothing else that could fill the robot's tiny attention span. Not even his favourite squid toy seemed to amuse him anymore. He blinked, searching for something else to do. Out of the corner of his lenses, he spotted the window.

"Master left me all alone...maybe Master would like some company! I'll be he'd like that real good! Right, Squid?"

The squid sat, unblinking, on the couch.

"Yeah! I gotta go, Squid! But I'll bring ya back somethin'! Hee hee! Ooh, I better get on my doggy disgui...disg...uh...costume-thingy! Master gets all screamy when I don't wear it..." he muttered, pulling the green fabric out of the compartment in his head. He pulled it on over his body, zipped it up, then flung open the door. "You'll guard the house while I'm gone, right Squid? Bye-bye!"

He burst from the front step, remembering to shut the door behind him. Rockets on his feet cut through the fabric, and he zoomed off towards the sky. Oddly enough, no one back on the planet seemed to notice the strange sight.

The empty void of space was cold and quiet, and it suddenly occured to GIR that he didn't know where his Master actually was. Oh, well, he'd just have to search until he found him. How big could space be, anyway?

Uh-oh. Asteroids. GIR was tiny, and wasn't quite able to move fast enough to miss them, even with his rocket boosters on full blast (and not full of tuna). He nicked the side of a tiny one, tumbing a little. Fortunately, he was a robot and couldn't feel it too badly.

The other rocks, however, were larger. GIR gave a yelp, running straight into one of the rocks. His rocket boosters cut out, forcing him to land on the asteroid. The fairly-large rock, perhaps about the size of one of the Earth "cars", was slowly encircling Earth's moon. GIR winced as the rock tumbled onto the moon's surface. It landed on the opposite side of the side GIR clung to, though -- leaving the little robot unharmed. However...

The asteroid was embedded into the moon, and GIR's rocket boosters were broken. No! No, no, no! That meant that he couldn't go visit his Master! And it also meant he couldn't get home...

GIR climbed off of the smaller rock, on the verge of tears. He gave a solemn sniffle, sitting down on the moon's surface.

The Earth was ahead of him. The sight was breathtaking, he had to admit. GIR brightened, shaking the fears of being trapped on the moon out of his head. There was a way, there was always a way to get to where he wanted to go, after all! He'd just have to find it. Of course, finding the way to leave was going to involve being more focused than usual. The robot stood up, a happier smile on his face. Maybe he could call his Master, and his Master could pick him up! Of course, his Master might not like being interrupted...he said he was on an "important mission", after all. GIR wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but it seemed to be one of those things that his Master didn't like him bothering with.

So, for now, he'd just have to wait. GIR giggled to himself, pulling out a spare sandwich he had tucked into his head, and tore into it, gulping it down happily. There was nothing to do now but wait a while, until he thought his Master would be finished. Then he could call him.

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(1) Um...just to make myself 100 percent clear, antenna equals hair. Dunno if anyone got confused, but there seems to be a fine line between my jokes that don't make sense to anyone else, and to jokes everyone gets, so I thought I'd explain in case it was the former. Well, this wasn't nessisarily a joke, but...you know. nn;;

(2) Ploooot poooint...(coughs)

(3) The result of my annoyance with overly-enthusiastic and boastful popcorn commercials. (pokes popcorn) Glare...

Crystal: WHEE! IT'S DONE! (sweatdrops) Ehehe... SO sorry this took so long. I got writer's block on the second chapter...oO;; Not good...(ahem) The third chapter should be up in about...two weeks. (grins) You see, I'm going away for two weeks! Yay! I'm very happy. I'll work on the third chapter when I'm gone, though. In fact, it should be better than these past two chapters, because I'm inviting my friend to go with me for a couple of days and she's very good at writing plotstuffs and jokes, so she can maybe help me. (dances) Whoo-hoo! Hehe. Sorry this chapter wasn't all that funny either, but...I'm not a really humour writer. (hides) Don't hurt me! Ehehe...but I'm working on it. I have a more...hmm...odd sense of humour than most people. I thought some of the stuff that happened this chapter was funny, though, but most of you readers probably didn't...sorry again for that. IT WILL PICK UP! Somehow...

Anyway... You are going to review. Yes. You are. Poke the button...you like the review button...and it doesn't bite! So poke it! But be nice. Don't abuse it. It only bites you if you hurt it. Ooh, my favourite song is playing! (runs away)


	3. Darkness and Feral Irkens

Crystal: I'M NOT DEAD! oO;; Just horribly slow at writing. Sorry about all the time this took. (hides) Don't hurt me! I'm a procrastinator...and I had writer's block, but I figured that it was a sorry excuse and decided to give you all the real, true reason for my random updates: I ISH A PROCRASTINATOR! (dances) And...yeah. Next one will prob'ly be up MUCH SOONER! Whew!

Oh, and by the way...(gives all the reviewers cupcakes and milk) THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I never dreamed I'd get such a positive responce! I really can't say anything other than...thank you! I feel very special now. Hehe. Unfortunately, I don't really have the space to thank you all personally, hehe.Knowing me, it'd take up about ten pages. So I send you all my mushy gratatude in the form of fictional cupcakes covered in chocolate sauce. Unless you don't like chocolate, then it's whatever you prefer.

Disclaimer: Invader Zim is not owned by meee...I wish it was...

Other disclaimer/warning: This chapter is pathetically short. I'm very sorry. :( But...you know... Anyone that's actually still reading this -- I figured that you had been kept waiting long enough. :) Lookit, the smiley's happy now.

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The dark hallway was almost totally silent, save for the occational feet-related shuffling sound. Everything was pitch-black, and that made it nearly impossible to see. Only the subtle blinking of the lights from Zim's PAK helped Dib to navigate his way around the spaceship-crowded docking bay. Of course, it didn't exactly help that Zim was even clumsier than he was.

"Ouch!"

"Hey, that's my foot, Dib-monkey!"

"Then stop ...stopping in front of me!"

"Then stop following me!"

Dib backed away a step, rubbing the sore spot on his nose. Zim's head was a lot harder than it appeared -- probably because he had such a thick skull, Dib decided flatly. He knew he couldn't say anything out loud, though. Silent insults kept to himself would probably be better than getting attacked by an angry, feral alien in the dark.

From up ahead of him, Zim made some form of gesturing motion, trying to get the human's attention, but all Dib could hear was the whooshing of the wind as Zim's hand passed dangerously close by his head, just missing his ear.

"Hey, watch it!" he protested. Zim, of course, ignored him.

"I think we're getting close to the exit," the alien creature remarked from somewhere in the shadows. Dib mentally cocked his head in confusion, as actually moving might have caused him to hit something else.

"How can you tell?" Zim was silent. The scythe-haired human gave a low hiss under his breath. Not that he had any reason to believe it in the first place (this was Zim, after all), but Dib was really beginning to doubt the "advanced night vision" the alien claimed that he sported. After all, he had already run into three spaceships and a wall.

The ruby lights on Zim's PAK swung back and forth in the dark, dancing and making spiraling motions though the blackness. Almost like fireflies, Dib decided as he studied the movement. Big, red, annoying fireflies. The human watched in confusion as Zim attempted vainly to discern the way though the blindness. "Hmm...mm-hmm...um...this way!" Zim proclaimed, pointing a finger somewhere out into the shadows.

"...what way? I can't see where you're pointing," Dib scoffed. Although blind as a bat, Dib could sense the biting glare Zim must have been sending him. The lights on the little alien's PAK dissolved from Dib's view as the creature swivled around to face his nemisis.

"_Left_, Dib-creature," the monster snarled between zipper teeth.

Trusting Dib spun on his heels and took a step to the left.

"(Clang!)"

The boy backed off, colourful splotches temporarily clouding his vision. Not that there was much to see, anyway. He winced and rubbed the forming bruise on his forehead. His face would probably be all covered in lumps and scratches by the time Zim was through with him. When Dib could finally see again, the dim, rubyish PAK lights swung around to face him, Zim once again leading the way. A dark snicker came from his direction.

"Oh, I'm sorry, stink-beast. Did I say _left_? I meant _right_."

"You did that on purpose!" the human protested, blinking his eyes as he attempted vainly to get his balence again.

"What do you mean?" Zim queried, the undertones in his voice leaning towards something akin to sarcasm. Remembering the benifits of keeping his mouth shut, Dib simply heaved a heavy sigh and turned away.

The blind fumbling resumed, leaving Dib silently vowing to get back at the alien somehow. Maybe he could trip him up and pretend that Zim had fallen of his own accord, over the leg of a spaceship or something. Then again, Zim seemed to be handling the tripping part quite nicely on his own, constantly stumbling over his own feet and often leaving Dib scrambling to avoid falling himself. That horrible alien...

Dib heaved a sigh, carefully scanning the floor with his foot to assure himself that the next step would be a safe one. He bit his bottom lip, trying hard not to blindly retaliate when Zim screamed that he had kicked him. After all, he needed Zim alive or he would never get out of the stupid Irken docking bay! ...why were all the lights off, anyway?

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Red and Purple snickered to themselves, trying vainly to muffle their ruptous laughter from the rest of the crew -- and, more importantly, from Zim if he happened to be anywhere nearby. They paused, grinning evilly at each other before resuming their stifled giggles. Just because they were forced to tolerate Zim for the time being didn't mean that they couldn't torture him a little before he arrived, right?

One of the green-eyed Irkens working the control panel turned slightly, blinking in confusion. "My Sirs?" she wondered, antennae perked. "Why did you cut the power to the docking bay?"

Red swallowed his giggles, clearing his throat and wincing at the pain it caused. Franticly, he wracked his brain to find a quick but believable answer -- one that would make sense to gullible Zim if he happened to be already listening. "Um...to save power?"

"But...aren't Zim and that Earthanoid creature coming in that way?"

"Oh, yes...right..."

Red muffled another snicker. Purple, however, generally being the one more apt to lose his self-control, was all but in stitches. Red bit his bottom lip, keeping his face straight just long enough to elbow his co-Tallest in the shoulder with a disapproving glare.

"Will they be able to get out?" the girl wondered.

The ruby-eyed leader grinned viciously. The other Irken was young and new on the job, and her inexperience in dealing with Zim was to be expected. Her antennae perked up in confusion as she caught the look that seemed to answer her question with a, "no, and that's the point." She turned back to her work at the control panel.

Purple gave a choked-out laugh that ended up as a rough cough. He blinked in confusion, flinching. "My throat hurts," he pined, suddenly in no mood to continue laughing at Zim's expence. Red just shook his head.

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"Dib-creature! I have found it! I have found it!" Zim screeched loudly. Dib, already having given up all will to live, slumped to the floor in a crumpled heap.

"I'm...right...beside you, Zim...you...don't need to...scream..." he whined pitifully. ...he would probably need a hearing aid after this.

"Hmph."

Zim extended his spiderlegs, carefully guiding the pointed tip against the doorframe, searching for the button that opened the door. A few minutes of focused scraping (the likes of which made Dib cringe and cover his ears, much to the alien's amusement) finally proved fruitful -- a section of the frame went in as an indentation, indicating the button's presence.

Without a second's more hesitiation, Zim pounded against the button on the metal doorframe with a leather-clad fist. The hollow sound reverberated throughout the room. Nothing happened. The alien took a step backwards, cocked his head with a matching confused frown, then lept forward to unleash all his "amazing doom!" upon the thick metal, fists and spiderlegs pounding in unision against it. A pause, and then, "Huh."

The scythe-haired boy beside him straightened up, pushing against the wall and staggering to his feet. "'Huh'? What do you mean, 'huh'?"

Zim retracted his spiderlegs with a metallic clinking sound. Narrowing one eye and curling his arms around his chest, he surveyed the door. Or...at least, attempted to through the darkness. "The door is locked, human."

Dib froze. Had he heard what he thought he just heard? "...what?"

"The door is locked. I suspect it is because the power is off. I hoped it would have been one of the older models from the Vortisians, the kind that you could open manually with the button rather than the automatic sliding door, but this one seems to be one of the newer models--"

Zim hit the cold metal of the floor, wide-eyed. A frantic Dib clutched at his shirtfront, and although Zim was essentially blind he could sense the harried look plastered on his enemy's face. "What...do...you...mean? We can't get out? We're trapped in here?"

The alien snarled, shoving the human off of him. "Get away from me, stink-beast! You smell of cheese!"

"Zim! We've been lost in here for hours! And...now...you're telling me..._we're locked in here because the power is off_?"

Zim clamboured to his feet clumsily, dusting his arms off. Dib scambled up and began pacing nervously in a circle, eagerly awaiting the extraterrestrial's explanation while trying to come up with an alternate escape route. Zim, knowing quite a bit more about human emotions than the spiky-haired boy gave him credit for, simply smiled evilly and relished in Dib's overwhelming tention.

"Dib-creature..." he drawled, "stop making that...horrible prancing movement. We will get out of here very shortly, so be pacient!"

Dib ceased his frightened pacing and raised an eyebrow. "Wait -- how do you know it will be "shortly"?"

"Like I said before, had you been listening with those hideous appendages you call ears, human, this is one of the newer door models. The button I pressed sends an emergency notice straight to the Tallest. We'll be rescued in no time."

"You know, logically, "in no time" isn't actually possible..."

"Stop-with-your-filthy-lies!"

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Purple hovered over to the metal door that led to the docking bay, staring at it intently. Tallest Red stood...or, rather, hovered behind him, a confused contorting the features of his face. "You know," Purple began, breaking the steady silence, "it has been three hours since they sent us that emergency notice...maybe we should let them out now."

"You _want_ to let Zim out?"

Purple turned, narrowing a violet eye. "No...but eventually, we're going to have to, anyway. Besides, it's not like it's really funny or anything. I mean, maybe if we had installed the video cameras in the hallways and the docking bay like I wanted to--"

Red sighed knowingly. "Again with the cameras. What is it with you and cameras and smoke machines?"

"I happen to like smoke machines! They're alot better than your stupid lasers!"

Red sent him a biting glare, really not in the mood to go over the whole stupid argument again. Hadn't he already proved the laser's superiority over the stupid smoke machines his co-Tallest loved so much? "Okay, fine, have it your way." He turned back towards the control panel and their workers. "Commander Mik?"

The green-eyed Irken swiveled around in her seat to face her leader. "Sir?"

"Restore the power to the docking bay."

Now utterly confused, the newest crew member nodded and performed the task her Tallest had assigned. The heavy metal door swung open, followed by a tiny, green-skinned Irken. Apperently, the Irken had taken a very unwise course of action, and had been leaning up against the door...

"Oww!" Zim hit the floor with a "smack!", wincing visibly. From inside their rubber suits, the two Tallest tried vainly to supprest their snickers.

Not more than a half-second after, a dark, spiky-haired creature of unidentifiable origin tumbled out after the Irken, screaming as though caught-off guard. The two Tallest watched with an interested but confused look on their faces as the other creature landed face-first on the floor, immedietly beginning to scream something about his "glasses". He lifted his gigantic head, shifting around some kind of alien technology that was sitting on the bridge of...whatever that thing was that jetted out from the middle of his face as he climbed to his feet. Of course, the Tallest were really no different than anyone else seeing Dib for the first time, and perhaps somewhat unfortunatly, being the leaders of an entire race, they had a tendancy to blurt out the first thing that came to mind.

"Wow...that's a big head..." Red drawled.

Now, you would think that the fact that Irkens write in a different language than English would mean automaticly that they speak in a different language as well. Fortunately, however, their spoken language seemed to be remarkably simalar to the English that Dib spoke. _Unfortunatly,_ for that particular human anyway, the words the ruby-eyed Tallest had just muttered had been so repetively spoken to him that they weren't too hard to figure out in any language.

"My head's not big!" Dib protested, attempting to get his balence on his feet with his still-crooked glasses. Anyone that has ever worn glasses can surely relate -- it's not easy. And, as a mixed result of slight hunger, crooked vision and perhaps just being locked in a room with Zim for several hours, Dib misjudged the distance to the floor, tripped, and tumbled back to the hard metal floor, setting off a rather...odd...chain of events.

The Tallest backed away as fast as they could, each intently watching with a shocked expression. The human tripped over his feet, and landed on top of Zim. Zim, however, had just begun to get up, but the human's flailing had knocked him back down. The large-headed boy fell, hands first directly onto Zim's PAK -- setting off an unknown (to Dib, anyway) mechanism. Zim's robotic "spider-legs", as the human had dubbed them, spiraled out quickly from the back of his PAK, along with several other devices the alien was known to use. One of the robot arms whacked Dib in the chin.

"Ahh! Get off of me, stink-beast!" Zim protested, shoving the still-dazed Dib off of him. The dark-haired human fell to the floor, obviously not for the first time that day. Zim, flustered and seemingly embarassed for such a clumsy entrance in front of his Tallest, immediately began retracting the robotic limbs. Dib, however, was noticably faster than Zim, and lept to his feet (this time making sure he knew where they were going), grabbing ahold of one of the unknown metallic limbs.

"Hey! What's this one?"

"Let go of me, human!" Zim snarled. "That's a portable light!"

The Tallest looked at each other, each sensing the brewing tention. Dib promptly dropped the advanced flashlight, left eye twitching.

"You...mean...to...tell me...that you...had...a...flashlight?"

Zim snorted. "Hmph. Of course. All Irkens are equipped with them. Not like you pathetic humans, heh heh. It's for emergency use only, of course. Hey, come to think of it, we probably could have used it back in there, couldn't we? That couldv'e -- eh?"

Dib gasped for breath, and begin screaming insanely, gripping his head. Zim, startled, stumbled backwards, frowning. The pair quickly broke out into a loud arguement. The two Tallest, however, saw fit to get as far away from the human and Irken as they could, hovering over by the control panel.

"This..." Purple sighed amidst the background noise, "could take a while."

"Yeah," Red agreed. "Hey! You wanna go get a snack?" Purple grinned, and the two took off for the so-accurately-dubbed "snack room", a kitchen filled entirely with the treats, leaving Zim and Dib behind, the pair's arguing voices finally fading from the range of Red and Purple's hearing.

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Crystal: Dedicated to my mother, who gave me most of the ideas that came up in this chapter... like the flashlight, the door and lots of Zimmeh dialogue. Thanks, Mommy!


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